2010. március 02. kedd, 21:08
You Either Get It or You Don’t!
There are only two things I remember from the many months of residential treatment I underwent in various facilities that really took root and remain with me years later. One of these is the best definition of the much used word “normal” I have never heard, namely that “normal” is having one personality or less. The second was the favorite saying of the director of the recovery residences program where I resided for seven months, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fit it.”
Sure I got all of the psycho-babble on the disease concept, was given numerous opportunities to see how creative I could become viewing a Rorschach, regularly informed that what I considered a feeling really wasn’t and subjected to countless probes into my childhood. What a waste of my incredibly valuable time in those days!
The first time I utilized the benefits of having good insurance was when I was given the choice of residential treatment or the loss of my job, a no-brainer in my opinion as I was quite fond of my job, primarily because there was no work involved. I wasn’t at this rather prestigious treatment center very long before I was told that I needed to check out the meetings of Narcotics Anonymous held there on a regular basis. No thanks, this doesn’t sound like anything I would be interested it as I didn’t have infected track marks, ride a hog or sleep under a bridge. One thing about the program director, he was certainly persistent in making this suggestion over and over and over. But a program called Narcotics Anonymous was just not for me. Thus began the two-year period of white-knuckle abstinence followed by a seven-month relapse I am fortunate enough to remember very little about, but what I do remember is more than enough.
Very near the point of death in my last residential treatment facility, an H&I meeting of Narcotics Anonymous did not afford me the opportunity to avoid exposure to this program as I wasn’t even aware of what was going on as the patients were assembled in the day room of the facility. The only thing I remember about this meeting was my intense curiosity as to what one of the guys who came into the facility for the meeting was using, if he had any with him and if he would give me some. Whatever it was, it had him on a high unlike any I had experienced in years. This guy was so mellow I watched the clock in order to see how long it would be before he tumbled out of his seat.
Well, the guy didn’t pass out, made a bee-line for me as soon as the meeting was over and managed to get a Readers Digest version of my story and then asked a probing question, “Do you want to stop using drugs?” I’m not sure what I replied, but I do know that the last thing he said to me was, “If you want to stop using, we can show you how. I’ll be back next week.”
There was something about the sincerity of this guy that intrigued me. Through contacts in the recovery field, I was able to find out that he was one of the driving forces behind NA in the area, had been clean for longer than I could fathom and, according to the verbalized surprise of one of my old doctors, was someone I should listen to as I had never listened to anyone in my life concerning my addiction problems.
As I slowly regained some physical and emotional strength as the detoxification process dragged on, I thought more and more about this guy and actually began to look forward to seeing him again. Then an incredible thing happened. The patients were taken to an off-site NA meeting at a nearby clubhouse. I don’t recall ever having been in a place quite as dilapidated in my rather sheltered life as that little house. Then the meeting began and it didn’t take long for me to realize that virtually everyone who spoke was telling some chapter of my own story. The drug might be different, the time behind bars much longer, the pain a little greater or a little lesser than my own, but it was MY story!
They talked about helping each other stay clean. They talked about working Steps and following Traditions. They talked about individual freedom to have a god of ones one understanding. They talked about NEVER having to use drugs again.
I got it! There is something here that works. This is what that guy from the meeting in the treatment center was talking about, these were the “we” he referred to when he had told me, “We can show you how.”
Today I look back on the relapse that brought the fellowship into my life as probably the best thing that ever happened to me. But I also look back over the years at all of the changes that have come about in the fellowship that I love so dearly. Then it comes back to me what I heard over and over again in that recovery residence, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
I don’t think that anything about the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous has been broken beyond repair, at least as long as there are those of us still around who have no problems identifying what IS and what is NOT NA and are willing to pass it along to the unenlightened. But I do believe that over the years so many changes have come about that the “newcomers” as my sponsor views anyone with under fifteen years in the program, are just not made aware of things that have worked for those seeking on-going recovery since the earliest days of the program.
With this thought in mind, I have been re-evaluating the way in which I have those I am fortunate enough to sponsor work the Steps, with the exception of Step 4 for which I have an old guide I have used quite a few times as I reexamine my own past, find excellent and pass on to my sponsees.
I have come to the conclusion, and it is entirely my own opinion, that by the time a newcomer has shown enough persistence to struggle through the Step Working Guides until completing Step Three, they should begin to either “get it” or they don’t. At the least honesty, open-mindedness and willingness should have found their way into the recovery of those having written on these steps and how could persistence have been avoided by answering basically the same questions over and over while plodding through the guide?
I was told from the beginning to keep it simple. This tired and true suggestion seems to be in total conflict with the guide, which has been known to be so overwhelming to newcomers that they abandon hope of getting a grasp on the Steps.
So now I have decided that once those I sponsor (and this is very subject to change of course) have completed Step Three, the guide is used from that point on as reading material only, which when combined with the appropriate chapters from the Basic Text and It Works: How and Why, pave the way for working the steps using the old tired and true sponsor/sponsee worksheets.
After all, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
You either get it or you don’t. I realize how lucky I was to have gotten it before we had the Basic Text and long before there were even any plans for the publications that would follow.
Michael M.
02 March 2010
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